A while back when I reached the milestone of 100 postings, I
celebrated the achievement in the knowledge that I was now beyond the reach of
the Canadian Jewish Congress and its army of evildoers who always managed to
sabotage my efforts at getting published. I developed the sense that they will
not be able to stop me now from telling my story or discussing my ideas. And
this made me view the sky as being the limit.
But even in that state of high spirits, I did not dwell for
too long on the idea that I might get to 1000 postings given that I was
averaging only one a week. A quick crunching of the numbers demonstrated that
it will take 18 more years to reach that distant milepost. And this is a length
of time that will render me a very old man provided, of course, I live this
long.
It is not that the material was not there for me to develop
into essays; it was there in abundance. Indeed it had been there during the
decades that I was blacklisted and was “watched” by the Jewish thought police
and their non-Jewish army of running dogs, both of which committed the most
cowardly and most heinous acts you can imagine to stop me. It was that by the
time the internet had come along and given me the chance to do what I always felt
I must do, I was having trouble already with my vision. Even wearing glasses,
my eyes would get tired quickly but were not so deteriorated clinically to
warrant a cataract operation.
When that time came and I had the first operation, I started
writing more frequently. After my second operation, I could read and write
during all the time that I was awake. It meant that I could review enough
material, develop the insight and write as much as 3,000 words a day when
necessary. I can still do that if I need to, and promise to do it if I must.
But unlike the time immediately following the operation when I forgot I was not
sixteen anymore and fell into the trap of believing I was indestructible, I now
feel my age. I feel it because even after the two eye operations, my vision
continues to suffer the normal rate of deterioration. And the rest of the body
has joined the conspiracy of reminding me of my age by crying out: slow down
and take a rest. I hear and promise to slow down but not stop entirely.
Even though there is more that I want to say before going to
where we go at the end of our sojourn in this life, I do not feel the urgency
of having to say it as much as I felt it when I was muzzled and the thought
that I may never get to say it haunted me. I knew what picture of me the
evildoers had painted to justify the work of their horror machine; I also knew
what they were plotting to do to the world, and knew how capable they were of
carrying out horrific acts – as well as incite others to commit them – without
feeling an iota of remorse or being restricted by anything resembling a human
conscience. Sadly though, I could not see someone relieving me and doing enough
to stop the evildoers or restrain their capacity to do harm. I had to hang on
in there because I felt I was now obligated to do so.
As to the lost decade during which time I could have written
and published several times as much as I have during the last 7 years, the
intensity of sorrow I used to feel has diminished a notch every time I posted a
new article. I was developing ideas and insights as regularly as I do now but
was forbidden from expressing them anywhere except to the evildoers who were
blacklisting me. They encouraged me to “publish or perish” which meant to
continue writing in the hope that they will take me off the blacklist and let
me practice my vocation the way things are done in civilized societies.
What they did, instead, was to turn my material upside down
and use it themselves to describe the causes that were dear to me in the way
that I described the situations that bothered me. They also took the language I
chose to describe the good things I saw in life, and used it to describe the
evil things which they and their cohorts were committing. Thus, the suffering
Palestinians became the suffering Jews, and the hard working Sudanese became
the hard working Israelis. Worse of all, the monstrous axis of New York to Tel
Aviv became the Iraq-Iran-North Korea axis of evil; an epigram that was used to
justify the disastrous Iraq war.