I like reading science fiction stories; I also like writing
them. So I wrote one for you, my friends. It is not pure fiction, however,
because the scenes that move the plot resemble what you would encounter here on
Earth. But don't let this bother you because there is enough in the story to
entertain you.
It is the story of a space traveler who likes to cruise the
galaxy by himself while staying in touch with his folks back home. He explores
the places that interest him and sends reports about them to the central
library of his home planet. One day not long ago, the sensors of his spaceship
picked up signs of life emanating from Planet Earth, and he headed towards it.
While approaching the planet, he tapped into a number of its public and private
libraries, and downloaded the information into his computer.
Unfortunately, something went wrong with the ship as he
began to enter the Earth's atmosphere. Despite the difficulties, he managed to
land in a remote area but was seriously injured, and the ship severely damaged.
He lost a great deal of the data in the computer, and so decided to send as
much information as he could to his home planet, not knowing how much longer he
will live. This is what he told the folks out there:
Greeting from Planet Earth on this local date: June 17 of
the year 2014. This is your devoted space traveler, Bret Stephens, sending you
what I could salvage of the information in my computer. I had a mishap while
landing the spaceship and much was lost, but something from a private library
called the Wall Street Journal remained intact. From that, I was able to
reconstruct the recent history of a place they call America , and I send it to you under
the title: “The Pace of Obama's Disasters” and the subtitle: “Bergdahl one
week. Then Ukraine .
Now Iraq .
What could be next?” I hope you'll be able to make sense of it.
I must warn you, however, that there seems to have been a
computer mixing of the information about a guy they call Barack Obama, and
another guy they call George W. Bush. Thus, you may not get the storyline
exactly right, but you'll get a taste of what passes for political spin in this
corner of the galaxy. From what I see, I must say that the folks, who run the
Wall Street Journal, love the guy they call Obama so much, they do not
attribute to him a huge tragedy called 9/11 but attribute it to W. Bush whom
they seem to hate very much. Worse, they spin the thing to say that 9/11
happened to W. only a few months into his presidency. Ouch! They made him look
like the novice who never grew up.
Having started his time in office with a tragedy of this
magnitude, they say he fumbled his way into a couple of ruinous wars to end his
presidency with a financial collapse that almost killed the economy of his
America, and almost dragged the entire planet into the abyss. In contrast, the
folks at the Wall Street Journal love Obama so much, they say he inherited the
financial mess from his predecessor and nursed America as well as the planet to
financial health. But to make it look like they treat Obama and Bush with an
even hand, they took the trouble to attribute a few bad things to Obama –
though they were mildly bad things.
For example, they say that Obama capitulated on Syria …
whatever that means. They also say there had been eavesdropping on a lady
called Merkel but he knew nothing about it … however bad that was. And they say
his administration struck an interim deal with Tehran that was disastrous … but they don't
explain how or why. They go on to say that someone named Hagel said he would
cut the army … but they don't tell if this is good or bad.
They also say someone or something called Russia seized someone or something called Crimea … whatever that is. And they reveal that a guy
named Kerry started a peace effort that sputtered into the void … Maybe they
mean the void of outer space. If so, maybe they lost a ship out there. This
would be an opportunity for us to recover it, hand it to them and become
friends. Finally, they tell the story of an Obama that announced a timetable
for withdrawal from a place they call Afghanistan … and they seem unhappy
about it. They don't explain why … or maybe it got lost in my computer.