Let's think up a fictional story, and then guess if it can
happen in real life.
You have a prime minister of Israel named Benjamin Netanyahu
that's losing members of his coalition. They are defecting to the opposition
parties, leaving him one or two members away from a vote of non-confidence that
could bring down his government.
Waiting in the wings for that day has been the consummate
opportunist, Avigdor Lieberman. He wipes the smile off his face having heard about
the latest defection. He adopts a serious look and goes to whisper something in
the ear of Netanyahu the Bibi. He tells him that his problem is not just here
in the Knesset but out there in Africa .
Explain, says Bibi, but don't lie to me Avi because I know you too well.
So Avi tells Bibi that the continent of Africa
is slated to become the next economic tiger. “And guess what,” he goes on to
tell Netanyahu. That's when the face of the Bibi goes pale because he knows
that when Avi talks like that, he'll have bad news for him. Hit me with it,
says Bibi. So Avi says that Egypt 's
GDP has surpassed that of South
Africa .
He also explains that the country is on the rise
economically while South
Africa – that's heavily dependent on selling
resources – is stalling along with the rest of the world. And there is the fact
that Egypt is sitting on the
Security Council of the UN for the next two years, and taking many leadership
positions on behalf of Africa .
Wait here, says Bibi. He goes into the sound proof washroom;
lets out a shriek of distress that shatters the mirror of the medicine chest,
grabs a hammer from the plumber's closet and smashes the toilet bowl. He soaks
his head with cold water, dries it, combs his hair and goes back to stand
alongside Avi. He clears his throat and says in a grievous voice: What can you
do for me, and what do you want in return?
Give me a cabinet position, says Avi, and I'll blow Egypt out of Africa .
This way you’ll not face a vote of confidence in the Knesset because me and my
boys will vote for you … and Egypt
will lose the confidence of the members in the African Union because I'll see
to it that she does. How is that for a win-win situation, hey Bibi my boy. And
the Bibi asks: You sure you can pull this thing? Of course I can, says Avi. Do
you doubt my abilities?
He pulls the chair that's near the table beside them; he
pushes Netanyahu down on it; sits on the chair in front of him; takes a sip of
water and murmurs in a low voice: Remember the time when an American delegation
went on a tour of goodwill throughout Africa ?
Yes I do, says Bibi the Netanyahu.
Well, let me tell you. It happens that the suckers took me
with them, and I got to do lots of fabulous work. What's that? Bibi asks. I got
to know the who's who of America 's
experts in African affairs, says Avi. And guess what I've been doing ever
since. I've been gathering dirt on all of them … and I have been telling them
about it. So now they know they must fear me because I have the goods on them.
Puzzled, Bibi raises both eyebrows and asks: How's that
gonna help?
Well, guess what they have been doing for me already, Bibi.
They have been gathering the names of officials who are hungry for a bribe in Africa … and I have some of those names in my drawer. You
won't believe the extent of the infrastructure and the size of the human
resources the Americans have in Africa . We
couldn't replicate all that if we spent a billion dollars a year for the next
ten years.
Bibi cuts him off: What can these people do for you, for me,
for Israel ?
Well, says Avi, there is going to be a conference on the environment in Africa very soon. I already have in my pocket the name of
the dame who'll play my game and blow Egypt
out of Africa . What she'll do is complain that
the Egyptian delegation has called the Africans dogs and slaves. And she'll
demand that Egypt never
again represent Africa in a world forum.
Great job, Lieberman, great job. I never doubted your
ability, says Bibi, wearing a big smile on his face. You're hired as defense
minister, you Avigdor Lieberman, says he. Upon hearing these words, Avi runs to
his office and starts working on blackmailing the American experts on Africa , telling them to organize for a scenario he wants
to see played out at the right time. And he promises them a bribe that will
make their heads spin.
So I ask you, dear reader, can something like this happen?
In case you wonder, look at the headline this past week: “African Diplomatic
Corps delegate wants Egypt
minister censured”.
And look at the response to it: “Egypt
wants Kenya
diplomat fired over fabricated charge”.