Imagine a number of years from now when all of us who are
alive today will be dead and spending eternity somewhere beyond the outer
boundaries of the universe. There will be those of us playing with the angels
in the playground of enchantment. There will be those of us fighting with the
devils to secure the coolest spot in the dungeon of fire. And there will be
those of us sitting in a limbo room waiting for the Big Guy to decide our fate.
This room is full of souls, but is emptying one soul at a
time when an angel comes to take it to the playground of enchantment, or a
devil comes to take it to the dungeon of fire. After a while, no one is left in
the room but two characters that dare not look at each other in the eyes. The
door opens, and this time no angel or devil appears. Instead, it is the Big Guy
himself who enters the room and tells the two that he doesn't know what to do
with them. For this reason, he has decided to let each one determine what must
be done with the other.
He says he'll be back in one hour to see what they have
decided, and exists the room closing the door behind him. Soon after, one of
the two characters speaks to say that his name is Usama. He also says he
recognizes the other as being the Dick.
DICK: Not the Dick. My name is Dick ... Dick Cheney.
USAMA: And I am Usma ... Usma Bin Laden. I think you should
go to hell because of what you have done, and what your people are doing: Abu
Ghraib, Guantanamo ,
savage interrogations, you name it. You did it all, leaving nothing to the
barbarians.
DICK: No. Not us. You should go to hell because you killed
3,000 of our people on 9/11. This is what started the war between us, and we
had no choice but to respond. We didn't know what else you were planning, and
we had to know one way or the other.
USAMA: If you didn't know what we were doing, we knew what
you were doing. For decades and decades, if not for a century or more, you used
every excuse you had to interfere with our lives, our resources, our relationships
with each other or with the rest of the world. Invited to do a small job, you
overstayed your welcome and desecrated our land. Invited to discipline one of
our own who went out of control, you went out of control yourselves and ruined
his country and his people. Invited to work with our organizations showing the
respect we have always shown to your organizations, you sought to destroy what
we had the way that you tried to destroy our OPEC.
DICK: This is only natural. We teach our kids to be
competitive. When they grow up and see an opportunity, they let nothing
restrain them if they determine they can overcome it. If you are weak in an
area where you're in competition with them, they'll take advantage of the
situation and seek to derive maximum gain.
USAMA: When we have an understanding with someone, we honor
what we pledge and we expect the other party to honor what they pledge. Your
people have not been doing this.
DICK: Of course not. Like say, contracts are made to be
broken. Our kids are taught not to avoid reneging on a pledge but to avoid
being caught doing so. When they grow
up, they try to get away with what they can if they feel they can. It is up to
you to make sure they cannot.
USAMA: And that's what explains why you pretend to be a nation
of laws when all you do is look for ways to get around it. As to us, we talk
less about the law, and do more to keep our word as well as honor our pledge.
Your conduct is deceitful; ours is noble.
DICK: Still, I say our system is superior to yours, and the
proof is that we have a stronger nation.
USAMA: You may want to think so. But as the battle between
us continues to rage, you'll soon learn that my people will defend themselves
because they would rather die than be crushed by someone. You say give me
liberty or give me death. We don't wait for someone to give us liberty; we say,
I'll fight for my liberty till I die. What my boys did on 9/11 was to send a
message to your people that we'll do to you what you do to us.
DICK: But you're not doing what we're doing. We may cheat
and we may double-cross, but our methods are civilized compared to yours which
are primitive.
USAMA: No, you're wrong. You are comparing the wrong things.
What must be compared are your deceitful pretenses against our honor and our
nobility. It is also what your military does that must be compared to what our
kids do when they cease listening to their elders, and take matters in their
own hands. Look at it closely, and you'll find that we are a noble people; you
are cheats. Also, using the most terrible weapons, you murder us by the
hundreds of thousands. This prompts our kids to retaliate by killing one or two
of yours. This is a comparison that shouldn't even be made.
DICK: I guess you're saying I may indeed be a dick, but I'm not
good enough to be your dick.
USAMA: You said it; I didn't.
DICK: So what do we do now?