What follows is a story out of the imagination. Any resemblance it
may have with past events or those currently unfolding, is purely coincidental.
So here is: The Adventure of Cici and Peepee.
Superstitious fever of the delusional kind ran so high in the
Kingdom of Peepee (previously known as the rug-pissing dog,) the ruling class
decided to implement an elaborate scheme and cash-in on what they thought the
stars were telling them. Recalling that long ago, a PhD student had come up
with a neat idea, the visionaries of the kingdom saw an opportunity to pull a
propaganda coup worth as many dollars as there are stars in the Milky Way and
the Andromeda Constellation put together –– and so they went for it.
The neat idea known to science-fiction writers as the “sling-shot
effect,” consists of using the gravity of planets to accelerate space probes,
sending them out of the solar system and into deep space.
Having no billion dollars to buy a regular mission to the moon and
score the propaganda coup that would distinguish them, the Peepees of the
Kingdom were told they could do it with a hundred million dollars in
“charitable taxpayer donations” they might gather in the Republic of their
patsy Uncle. It was explained to them that the feat can be pulled using the
sling shot effect caused by Earth, to propel a smaller probe to the moon. The
drawback would be that it will take five weeks or so to get there instead of
the normal duration of two and a half days.
The Peepees contracted the NASA scientists of their Uncle's
Republic, and asked them to put together a moon probe for them. The latter
bought an engine in Britain, gathered off-the-shelf communication and
navigation equipment where they could find them, and bought a ride on a
Republic’s rocket that was taking other satellites into space. All that the
Peepees were required to do to participate in the mission, was to get a bit of
training driving the probe on its journey to the moon.
To make the propaganda thunder as spectacular as the fireworks of
New Year's Eve, the boys of the Peepee entourage decided that since April 9 was
the day the probe will land on the moon, they were going to have an election on
the same day, and show the world what a stud their number one Peepee really is.
And so, they conned the other parties in the Kingdom, and had them agree to
hold an election on April 9.
Still, being the selfish narcissists that they are, and being in
the business of regularly using their patsy Uncle to take dandy photo-ops they
circulate around the world for propaganda purposes, they decided to abuse their
Uncle yet again and add to the glory of their number one Peepee. To that end,
they called on the Trumpeter of the Uncle’s Republic, and told him to find an
excuse by which to invite Cici to be there on April 9. The intent was to make
it look like the teeming masses of Cici's venerated ancient land, were
celebrating the Peepee's double triumph of winning the election and landing on
the moon the same day.
But as it turned out, the visionaries of Peepee's kingdom did not
read the starts correctly. Good news may or may not have been written in the
stars –– no one will ever establish the truth –– but what can be established is
that the Peepees who were supposed to drive the probe to the moon were not
trained well enough to get it there safely. Here is the problem:
When a probe is launched into space, the gravity of the earth
pulls it, causing the probe to accelerate. If it does not collide with the
earth, the probe's trajectory will be deviated, putting it into an orbit around
the earth. If the speed at its closest point to earth, is 8 kilometers a
second, the probe will maintain that velocity and remain in a circular orbit
around the earth. If the speed is 11.2 kilometers a second or higher, it will turn
around and get away while decelerating, but will have enough kinetic energy to
escape the earth's gravity and go into deep space. If the probe has a velocity
between 8 and 11.2 kilometers a second, it will remain in an orbit that is more
elliptical the higher the velocity. It will accelerate coming toward the earth
and decelerate going away from it, but will remain in the same elliptical orbit
indefinitely.
To make use of the sling shot effect, you catch the probe at the
moment of inflection when it changes from acceleration to deceleration. What
you do is fire the engine just enough to move it from its current orbit into
one that is more elongated. Doing this maneuver 15 or 20 times will get you to
the moon in about five weeks, as long as those who drive the probe are trained
well enough to do the correct computation each time, and fire the engine the
exact amount. But that's where the boys of the Peepee failed.
They didn't know what they were doing and almost sent the probe
wandering into deep space. They contacted the NASA people who told them what to
do to get the probe back on the correct trajectory. but everybody knew at the
time that the mission was doomed.
What happened was that the correction used up the fuel that was
meant to brake the probe’s descent and land it safely on the moon. In addition,
it took two extra days for the probe to get to the moon.